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My cat’s crack sniffing habit

My cat, sniffing his crack.

My cat, sniffing his crack.

My cat has a bad crack sniffing habit. Most people smoke crack. My cat sniffs it. We all know that cats do silly things. Hell, cats do stupid things. Well, mine does.

In the back garden of our soon-to-be-old house, there’s a crack in the cement leading down to the lawn. Every day, after having a bit of breakfast, my cat goes to the door and sits there. I then speak to him in the Sylvester dialect of cat, which sounds something like ‘Merwygowout?’ with cat-like inflection.

He then looks at me as if I’m some sort of incredibly dim, bald and smelly cat, and replies with a positive ‘meow’. Dutifully, I let him out and he walks down to the crack, settles himself and starts to sniff it. He will then go about his daily business, but will often return to sniff the crack.  As you can see from the photo, there seems to be a tunnel.

Finally, I decided that I would take a photo. Then I decided that I would apply a crappy filter to make it more ‘out there’ in order to tie-in with my theories below.

God knows what’s down there, he’s been doing it for two years now. I have a sneaking suspicion that there’s a Kidney Stone Gremlin who, having been sniffed at for two years, has given up his vow of abstinence and has decided to inflict a punishment on the foolish human who sends a cat to sniff him out. If so, I’m going to pour thirty litres of bleach down there and finish him.

That or, even better, there’s a passage to Narnia or another world and all I have to do is work out how to get down it.

About mattsylvester

Father of two beautiful daughters and married to the beautiful Karen, Matthew has been reading and writing fantasy and science fiction since he first read the Hobbit at the age of 7. Matthew was Features Editor, Technical Consultant and regular columnist for magazines such as ‘Fighters’, ‘Combat’, ‘TKD & Korean Martial Arts’ and ‘Traditional Karate’. These are the four leading martial arts magazines in the United Kingdom. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed 'Practical Taekwondo: Back to the Roots', which has been sold around the world. With regard to his martial arts background he has been studying martial arts since 1991. In 1995 he hosted Professor Rick Clark of the ADK and since then has been studying pressure points and their uses in the martial arts and on the street (initially as a Special Constable and as a Door Supervisor). All of this practical hands-on experience means that he is uniquely placed to write fight scenes that are not only plausible but some of which are based on personal or anecdotal experience. Matthew has had a number of short stories published by Fringe Works, KnightWatch Press, Anderfam Press and Emby Press.


One thought on “My cat’s crack sniffing habit

  1. “Most people smoke crack.” Really? Maybe in your neck of the woods that’s how they while away the days but down here very few do.
    Now alcohol on the other hand seems to be all over the place. That, ecigarettes and rampant overbreeding. And don’t get me started on my crisp habit. I’ve had to turn to writing to fund it…


    Posted by Neil | March 23, 2015, 3:44 pm

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