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Musings, Writing

I hide in shame, and a little fear, from my bin men


Yes, I'm hiding, so fucking what!

Yes, I’m hiding, so fucking what!

Sounds sad doesn’t it? A 41 year old man, hiding from the bin men. But it’s true.

See, we’re moving soon. We have a 120 foot garden (one reason we’re moving) which absolutely filled with plants that hate us. Don’t feel bad, we hate them just as much.

In order to get the house into a reasonable state, we declared war on Gardonia, and have been the perpetrators of some hideous sap-filled massacres. Oh the screams. Oh the humanity. And that was just from me.

As a result, our brown bin (the one what we put garden refuse into) had been somewhat … full recently.

Full to the point, in fact, that I’ve actually pulled muscles trying to shift the damn thing. Last night I thought I was going to defecate in my underwear it was that bloody heavy.

And so, every other Friday, I have hidden in shame as I’ve heard the clanking of the bin lorry, the joyous laughter of the bin men as they talk about the kittens they’ve nursed back to health, the wet snap of breaking spines and the piteous screams as the bin topples and crushes them to a bloody jam on the pavement.

Only, it hasn’t actually happened. Not only do they not laugh, they haven’t nursed kittens and, it seems, they’re far more manly than I as they have taken the rubbish every single time and not once have they either pitched a brick through our windows, or left the bin with a ‘Fuck no!’ sticker on it.

Gentlemen (I’m making the assumption that there aren’t any ladies on our route, because if there are they’re all former East German shot putters), I tip my hat to you.

About mattsylvester

Father of two beautiful daughters and married to the beautiful Karen, Matthew has been reading and writing fantasy and science fiction since he first read the Hobbit at the age of 7. Matthew was Features Editor, Technical Consultant and regular columnist for magazines such as ‘Fighters’, ‘Combat’, ‘TKD & Korean Martial Arts’ and ‘Traditional Karate’. These are the four leading martial arts magazines in the United Kingdom. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed 'Practical Taekwondo: Back to the Roots', which has been sold around the world. With regard to his martial arts background he has been studying martial arts since 1991. In 1995 he hosted Professor Rick Clark of the ADK and since then has been studying pressure points and their uses in the martial arts and on the street (initially as a Special Constable and as a Door Supervisor). All of this practical hands-on experience means that he is uniquely placed to write fight scenes that are not only plausible but some of which are based on personal or anecdotal experience. Matthew has had a number of short stories published by Fringe Works, KnightWatch Press, Anderfam Press and Emby Press.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “I hide in shame, and a little fear, from my bin men

  1. I have similar worries about our regular rubbish pile, and even the recycling…

    Like

    Posted by shavenwookiee | March 27, 2015, 9:21 pm

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